Things I've learned from my children


If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.

It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too late.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak -- it explodes.

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old. Duplos will not.

Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.

It will however make cats dizzy.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

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