The Seven Ancient Truths Nobody Wants To Hear About

1. We live on a ball.

2. This is not a dress rehearsal. This is it.

3. It's not fair.

4. Your Guru might try to sell you a $750.00 set of stainless steel cookware.

5. Forget flying saucers. We are the little green men.

6. The chicken did not cross the road to get to the other side. Chickens are stupid.

7. The only fit foods for man are raw nuts and seeds, fresh fruits and uncooked above-ground veggies, except for anchovy pizza with double cheese and red peppers.